Believe it or not, there are a lot of questions to ask your girlfriend.
And there are endless moments in a relationship to where you should be asking them.
Whether you’ve just started dating or you’ve been together for a while, asking your girlfriend questions is a great way to have fun, learn more about her, and stay attuned to your relationship.
But there can be a tricky line to straddle that borderlines inquisitive and interrogation.
Even more, there are certain times in your relationship where you want to ask particular questions, where there are other times you should probably refrain.
As we dive into the many questions that you should ask your girlfriend, let’s establish why it is so important for you to ask her questions in the first place.
Why Should I Ask My Girlfriend Questions?
Asking your partner questions at every point of your relationship can result in a more open and honest relationship.
For women specifically, many respond to answering questions as it is a gateway to building intimacy between you and her.
In simple terms, when you are posing questions to her, it demonstrates that you’re interested in her and are invested in getting to know her.
There is also a science behind asking your partner questions, as Professor Dan McAdams demonstrates, claiming that there are three stages that people have to go through to become intimate, whether that be friends, companions, or lovers.
Level 1: General Traits- Knowing and understanding someone’s personality traits and where they fall under their openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism.
Level 2: Personal Concerns- Where you get to learn a person’s goals, ambitions, values, and motivations.
Level 3: Personal Narrative- Knowing the stories a person tells themselves about themselves and understanding their perception of their life’s journey and purpose in life.
Regardless of the level which you want to get to know your girlfriend, asking questions is a certain way for you to get to know her.
Asking her questions is going to allow you to know and understand her better, and will also make your relationship better in the long run.
As we dive into questions that you can ask your girlfriend, we are going to use these three levels to determine some excellent questions to ask your girlfriend depending which level your relationship is at.
Level One: General Traits
As with the beginning of any relationship, this is truly the foundation of getting to know someone.
Understanding her opinions, likes, and dislikes happens during level one of getting to know her.
For many relationships, you may not make it past this level as you discover that your girlfriend’s answers to your questions do not suit you or are not what you’re looking for in a partner.
Asking your girlfriend questions during this phase of your relationship often happens naturally as both of you begin to know each other.
However, to help guide you through your path, here are some questions you can ask her to gauge whether you’re compatible:
Do you want to travel?
To understand where she stands on her level of openness and willingness to try new experiences, this can be a great question to ask her.
Depending on your stance for travelling, this can help you know whether her outlook is on par with yours.
In turn, this can also suggest that her openness to new situations and inventiveness is on a similar level to yours.
Some people prefer newness in their life in every way while others are interested in cultivating their own traditions and rituals.
Neither is wrong, but understanding this about yourself and her is beneficial for you both.
What do you want to do this weekend?
Okay, this sounds silly, but hear us out.
Understanding how she answers this question can indicate a lot about whether she has a high or low level of conscientiousness.
If she is someone that is a planner, organized, and sticks to dates, she is probably high in conscientiousness, whereas if she is a go-with-the-flow type of person, she is probably low.
Depending on her response and action, this will help you understand more about how she thinks about this sort of thing.
Do you prefer small and large crowds?
It is quite easy to gauge if a person is an introvert or extrovert.
Asking her this question can help you understand if your inclinations about this are similar with hers and whether your perceptions about this are compatible.
Whether you’re an introvert, ambivert, or extrovert, understanding how you both comprehend this as a couple is important for moving forward.
What do you feel most passionate about?
There is no right or wrong answer to this question, but her answer may indicate her agreeableness.
If her answer centers around people, empathy, or philanthropy, she may have a higher level of agreeableness.
If her answer centers around her career, money, or attaining assets, then she may have a low level of agreeableness. Again, neither is wrong.
But understanding her passions will help you better understand if your and her passions can ever align or grow together.
Are you a worrier?
Knowing someone’s triggers will help you understand their neuroticism.
If she is high in neuroticism, she may be a worrier, moody, or easy to upset, where if she is low, she may be opposite to all of these.
Again, there is no right or wrong way to answer this question, but understanding her response will help you know her better.
Of course, there are many other questions you can and will naturally ask her to know and learn about her personality.
Only time, honesty, and observation will help you both to reach this level.
Level Two: Personal Concerns
As you straddle the line of levels one and two, your questions will start becoming even more intimate.
If you’ve been with your girlfriend for a while and can see your relationship moving in the forward direction, then your questions are going to become much more in-depth and intimate.
This will happen naturally as you begin to share milestones and life experiences with one another.
Whether you’re traveling together, moving in with one another, or begin spending holidays with each other’s families, this is when you begin to understand their personal ambitions and ideals about life.
What are three life goals you have?
From travel, to kids, to pets, to money, her answer for this question may surprise you.
However, this is how you get to know her and the goals she has for herself.
It is also an indication of whether her goals align with your own and if her goals are things you want to be factored into.
How are you motivated?
For some, this may be a difficult question to answer.
It may force her to have to reveal things about herself that she otherwise wouldn’t share with people she doesn’t know well.
Likewise, she may share her deepest interests with you for how she motivates herself to reach her dreams and get through the day-to-day.
Where do you see yourself by ____?
Fill in the blank here.
Maybe it is by a certain age or milestone.
Getting to know her stance and perception for planning her life will help you understand if your ideas about the future are the same.
Whether she has no timeline at all or she has it all planned out, you will be able to see if you can continue to move forward together.
Do you agree with ____? or What do you think about ____?
Again, fill in the blank. Kids, politics, religion, people, ideas, cultures, etc.
The list is endless.
It is crucial to be with someone that challenges you but also being with someone that you can get on board with too.
It is a fine balance, but understanding her positions will help you to grow and know whether you’re compatible.
Yes, there will be many more questions that naturally help you know her, but these are all a great start.
As your relationship deepens and time passes, your level of intimacy will continue to grow, eventually getting to level three.
Level Three: Personal Narrative
The most intimate level, understanding how she perceives her life and her purpose is the ultimate form of intimacy.
Being intimate is something that can’t be rushed, because every couple’s path to true vulnerability is different.
You won’t reach this overnight and it may take years before you have even reached this stage.
But to ‘know her better than she knows herself’ (if that is even possible) there are many questions you can ask her. And they may surprise you.
Arthur Aron, a social psychology researcher out of the Interpersonal Relationships Lab from Stony Brook University in New York, has created 36 questions that will actually help you breech through all three of McAdams levels of intimacy.
While they can be asked during any point of the relationship, certain questions from his list are especially significant as you feel your relationship approaching the last level of intimacy.
Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
Death makes people feel vulnerable, and speaking about your own death is definitely a heart-pounding subject.
This type of question will allow you to understand her position not just on her own death, but will also give insight into her fears, belief system, and hopes.
Sure, everyone may answer this question differently, but to know how she understands her life and death is a significant part of being intimate with her.
If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
People’s childhoods can have an array of emotions and memories attached to them.
You may be surprised by how she answers this question, but this will help you to understand her in a way that few other people ever could.
Whether it was a who, what, when, where, why, or how that she wants to change about her childhood, chances are, the answer to this question is going to run deeper than you could have imagined.
What is your most treasured memory?
What better way to understand her and her values than having a glimpse at her most treasured memory.
To truly understand how she defines herself in this crazy world, knowing what she holds most dear to her heart will inevitably show you where her values and heart lie.
Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
Relationships are essential to who we are as people.
And whether she is close to her family or not, her answer to this question will definitely help you understand how she positions herself in her family dynamic, defines her purpose, and how she perceives who she is.
Aron’s list is heavy to say the least, but undeniably groundbreaking.
If you are wanting to explore who your girlfriend really is and ask her questions that will truly lead you both down a path of realness, his questions are definitely worth looking at.
20 FUN Questions!
Enough with the hard-core questions.
Maybe you’re just here for some fun ideas.
If you’re wanting to pose some playful, trivial questions to keep the conversation flowing, here are some examples:
- Cat or dogs?
- Do you have any phobias?
- Have you ever been skinny dipping?
- Do you like reading?
- What is your perfect Sunday?
- What was your favorite childhood activity?
- What did you want to be when you grew up?
- What’s your favorite color?
- What’s the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?
- Do you have a favorite sport?
- What is your weakness?
- If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
- What’s your wildest fantasy? (it doesn’t have to be sexual)
- Milk is a day past expiration. Do you drink it or not?
- If you could be any historical/fictional person, who would it be?
- What super power would you have?
- What’s your best characteristic?
- Price doesn’t matter, what’s your dream car?
- Do fish get thirsty?
- What cartoon character did you think was hot growing up?
Wherever you find yourself, we’ve given you all the tools you need for questions to ask your girlfriend.
From brand new relationships to long time ones, getting to know her better is always going to make your relationship stronger!
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