Men are from Mars, and women are from Venus. What do women want?
The age-old belief in the differences between men and women points to the barriers in communication that often separate the two sexes, and for many men, that barrier makes it difficult to know what the right questions are to ask a girl.
To help the fellas break that icy wall, we’ve come up with the top 25 questions to ask a girl.
Whether you’re looking to ask the right questions to get a date, to make a successful first date, to get a girl in bed, or to start the path to forming a deep and lasting relationships, the questions below are certain to get you at least a sexy smile and probably something more.
What are your aspirations and ambitions?
This is a great question for a first date that skips all the boring questions about favorite color and puts the spotlight on the girl, rather than yourself.
Asking deep, personal questions like this really helps you get to know a person and lets the girl know that you’re interested in more than getting her in bed.
By asking about her aspirations, you can get a strong sense of what she’s pursuing in life, and it opens up the floor to a longer, in-depth conversation.
Plus, women are rarely given the space to voice their ambitions for fear of social repercussions, so by asking her what she aspires to, you’re giving her the chance to talk about the goals that might really matter to her but that she doesn’t often get to talk about.
What are your passions?
This might get you an answer similar to the question above, or the girl might respond with something completely out of left-field.
While asking about aspirations might get you a response about her career or long-term life goals, asking about her passions will give you a better insight into her interests in the here-and-now and what she feels makes life worth living.
Plus, not everyone gets to do what they are passionate about for a living, so this question is a great way to get her talking about the things that really excite her.
Most people know what they are passionate about, but they don’t always get to talk about their passions.
In fact, as Kay Redfield Jamison, author of Exuberance: The Passion for Life, points out, there are more words in the English language for negative emotions than there are for a passion for life.
Pushing the conversation in a positive direction with your date will not only get her to express her passions, but it will also leave her with a strong positive impression long after the date is over.
What is your profession?
This might seem like a boring question, but it’s a good way to signal to the girl that you’re interested in all aspects of her life and what she does on a daily basis.
If she loves her job, then she’ll be excited to answer the question, and you’ll get to see her eyes light up as she tells you what she does and why she finds it so interesting.
If she hates her job, that can also be a good icebreaker or bonding moment for you to sympathize with her frustrations. Plus, hearing what she doesn’t like about her job is another way to get a deeper glimpse into who she is.
What is your favorite book?
This is a question to ask the smart girl, but don’t be too quick to judge a book by its cover—she just might be both gorgeous and smart, a powerful combination and a real win for you.
By asking about her favorite book, you’re subtly suggesting that you already presume she is intelligent and well-read, and her answer will give you a sneak-peek into the topics that interest her.
Just be prepared to answer with your favorite book if she decides to ask you the same question.
What was the last concert you went to?
One woman on Men’s Health said this question piqued her interest in her date because of its specificity.
Instead of the generic, “What kind of music do you like?”, asking about the last concert she went to will give you a much clearer idea of the kind of music she likes, or if she is into concerts at all.
The concert question also opens up multiple ways you can relate, even if you don’t like the music, because you can say how much you love the particular venue she was at, or share a fun concert story of your own.
- What’s your family like?
There’s no doubt about it, a person’s identity is strongly influenced by the kind of upbringing and family they had.
By asking about her family, it implies that you are interested in a deep connection, and it also gives you a sense of whether or not she’s close to her family.
Even if she isn’t so keen on her family, that can reveal a part of her past that will tell you about why she is who she is.
What’s your favorite place that you’ve ever traveled?
Even if she isn’t the traveling type, this can open up to other questions such as where she might want to travel.
If she does have an answer ready, she’ll probably elaborate on why it’s her favorite place, whether it was the cuisine, the beauty of the natural environment, cultural affinities, etc.
This is also good information for you to keep for future reference and dates.
If she says Paris, you can take her to a French restaurant for your next date.
If she says St. Louis, you can take her out for ribs on your next date.
There’s always some way to bring it full circle and show that you really were listening when she responded.
What’s your favorite place in the whole world?
This question doesn’t necessarily have to be related to travel. For a lot of people, favorite destinations and favorite places are separate locations.
There’s been various research into the psychology of place, and the research holds up the notion that where you come from and where you end up reveal a lot about who you are.
By asking your girl where her favorite place is, you can find out if she’s a homebody, or if she just really misses the childhood farm she grew up on, or if she is an avid reader who just can’t spend enough time in the library.
What are the top 3 things you can’t live without?
This could be answered by any number of “things,” whether it’s her family, her phone, chocolate, or her cat.
Most people will put family and friends at the top of the list, so by asking for her top three things, you give her a little more room to respond and reveal what she thinks are important to her daily life.
It’s like the desert-island question, except it takes away the necessity of including survival items and lets you see what she feels she needs to survive in real life.
What’s your favorite cuisine?
This might seem like a generic question, but sometimes people can really surprise you with their answers. She might not look it, but for all you know, she’s a spicy food fanatic, or maybe at heart, she’s a home-cooking type of gal who just really misses grandma’s potpie.
No matter her answer, it should be a good reference for you on where to take her on your next date. Because if there’s one man you don’t want to be, it’s the unoriginal and slightly creepy guy who takes every one of this dates to the same restaurants every single time.
What is your life’s philosophy?
You might get a run-of-the-mill answer for this, like “work hard, play hard,” but even that will tell you what her values are.
Whether it’s insight into her work ethic, her desire to maintain a healthy work-life balance, or her belief in the golden rule to do unto others as you want them to do to you, you’ll get a better understanding of the philosophies and values that she wants to live by.
What’s your biggest fear?
This could get you some fascinating answers that will make her seem cuter than she already is, or that will show you want she wants and does not want out of life.
Whether it’s spiders or not living a fulfilled life, her fears can also be a basis for connection.
Asking about vulnerabilities and fears means you can share your own fears, and women love when a man is honest about not being confident all the time.
That being said, think about how you would answer this question beforehand, so if she turns the tables on you, you don’t come out with some off-putting answer like not wanting to end up alone.
Overly insecure answers like that send out red flags, and studies have shown that women are especially turned off by guys who lack confidence.
What is most important to you?
This is a great question to ask if you’re interested in more than just a fling.
It shows that you’re interested in someone who shares the same values as yourself, and it demonstrates a level of maturity that goes beyond pure sexual attraction.
Who are you closest to in the whole world?
By asking this question, you’re also getting at the characteristics that a girl looks for in determining who is most important to her.
Whether she answers her mother, grandfather, or best friend, you’ll get a good idea of why she holds the person she’s closest to in such high regard.
It will also hint to the girl that you care about who she is closest to because perhaps you’d like to be on that list someday.
What is one thing you have had happen that made you a stronger person in the long run?
She probably doesn’t get asked this kind of question very often, and it’s a great way to take the conversation to deeper levels.
At the very least, you’ll get a fascinating story out of it, and you can use her story to ask more questions and branch out into other discussions that help the two of you connect beyond a superficial level.
Are you a dog-person or a cat-person?
This is a fun question, and for the most part, people seem to identify strongly as one or the other.
Various studies have also been conducted that apparently support the widespread belief that there are differences between dog and cat people.
Dog people tend to be more outgoing and extroverted, while cat people might be more shy, creative, independent, and nonconformist.
Regardless of the answer she gives you, and even if the two of you identify differently, this question is a great way to get her to open up about something that is probably very important to her.
Many people become very enthusiastic when they get a chance to talk about their pets or pets they had growing up, so this is sure to make the conversation pick up.
Plus, if she is a dog or cat-person, she’ll be interested in you for asking the question because it will indicate to her that you are also an animal lover.
- Who is the one fictional character you identify with most strongly, in any book, movie, show, etc?
This is another fun question and by leaving it open to books, movies, shows, or any other genre, the chances are you won’t miss the mark with this question.
Her answer will also give you a glimpse into what she thinks are her most defining characteristics, whether it’s her perseverance in the face of adversity or her witty sense of humor.
And if you happen to have read about or seen the character she’s talking about, it gives you another way to connect and talk about the interests that you both share.
If you could go back and do one thing differently in your life, what would it be?
This is another profound question to ask, but you want to be careful about the timing for this one.
If she’s just gotten off of work and is crying over some terrible incident with her boss, asking this question could make the whole date just take a turn for the worse.
You don’t want the date to be overshadowed by a negative mood because that will leave her with a bad impression.
At the same time, by asking this question, you can get a sense of how she feels about where she is in life and whether or not she has any regrets.
Depending on her answer, this is also a great time for you to sympathize and show that you are a caring guy who is into her and everything about her.
If you had one-year paid vacation and all expenses paid, what would you do?
She might answer with something predictable about traveling the world, but if so, that’s okay.
This question just helps you to see what her dreams are and what kind of things she likes to imagine.
If she does say traveling, you might be able to use that as a way to branch out into places you’ve traveled and even suggest that perhaps you would like to take her there someday.
Or if she says she would simply sleep and watch shows all day, then you’ll know she’s the kind of girl who just likes to kick back and relax.
What is your favorite thing about yourself, either physical or non-physical?
Perceptions play a huge role in our daily lives, and chances are, the girl you’re asking this question to will have some remarkable characteristics that you’re not privy to just yet.
By asking what she values most highly in herself, you’ll get a better understanding of how she sees herself and how she wants you to see her.
Self-concept plays an important role, not just for supporting self-esteem, but also for shaping how we see others.
By finding out more about how she sees herself, the two of you can get on more even keel and start to see each other for who you both really are.
If you were the opposite sex for a day, what would you do?
This question is a great way to lighten the mood because a lot of people will answer this question with a silly response, like masturbate or pee while standing up in an alley.
It’s also a great way to really cross the barriers in communication that people of any gender can experience, and there’s no doubt about it, the ways in which different genders are raised from infancy created a gendered communication divide.
This question is a fun way to try to cross that divide and see life from another’s shoes. Just be prepared to answer this question in turn if she asks you the same.
You probably won’t want your answer to be something crass and off-putting, so try to think up answers that will impress her.
What are your deepest, darkest fantasies?
Now we’re getting to the sexy questions.
This might not be the best question to ask on a first date, especially if you don’t know the girl that well because it might turn her off.
But if your date is already getting hot and heavy, or if you’ve already had intimate relations, then this question could be an important one for you to discover how you can satiate her desires.
If you’re worried that asking about her fantasies might freak her out, it might surprise you to know that she probably does have fantasies, even if she hasn’t shared them with anyone before.
Sex and relationship researchers and authors of The Normal Bar: The Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples and What They Reveal about Creating a New Normal in Your Relationship suggest that men and women often have overlapping fantasies and communicating those desires can lead to much more fulfilling relationships, both sexually and romantically.
- What can I do to make you truly, sexually satisfied?
This is another question that’s probably best saved for a date when you’ve already established a degree of intimacy, but it’s definitely worth asking.
Not communicating your sexual needs can leave both partners feeling dissatisfied. Communicating before the bedroom about the needs that you both have can lead to a much more fulfilling sexual relationship.
In a study of 80 women conducted by the Kinsey Institute, several women suggested they dislike being asked what they want during sex—they want the man to go ahead and just do it.
But without knowing what she wants beforehand, it can be hard to know what she wants you to do. So take the simple route and just ask.
With the best of luck, this question will also lead to her follow-up of what you need to be satisfied.
- Do you prefer kinky or romantic sex?
Tip your hats to the raunchy writers of Cosmopolitan for this question.
Although the question was suggested in a guide for female readers, it is just as appropriate for men to ask their female partners.
And knowing whether she prefers kinky or romantic sex can go a long way to improving your sex life and making the bedroom time more meaningful for you both.
What’s your favorite place to make love?
This might go hand-in-hand with the question about sexual fantasies, or it might help change things up a bit and keep the sex from becoming routine.
For all you know, you’ve been making love to your partner in the bed when she wanted to get freaky in the living room or on the kitchen counter.
The important thing is to find out where she enjoys making love and to keep the relationship from getting to the dreaded stages of sexual boredom.
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