A question that has plagued the male species for centuries.
How exactly do you make love to a woman?
From erotica, to Hollywood, to Tinder, to PornHub, understanding the passion and method of making love to a woman can become easily lost for most men.
Whether you’re plagued with insecurities about your technique in the bedroom, the size of your penis, or your inexperience with women, it is important to start with the basics before you can properly make love to her.
Laying into Her vs Loving into Her
Let’s get a couple things straight.
There is a difference between laying into her and loving into her.
Despite what you have seen in movies or heard from your friends, making love to a woman doesn’t really entail bending her over the bed and hitting it from behind.
Sure, you’re a man and your instincts may scream sweaty, raunchy, rough sex, but that isn’t necessarily how a woman wants to be made love to.
Now, don’t hear us wrong.
There is nothing wrong with a bit of horny carnage in the bedroom between the two of you.
But if a woman says, “Make love to me,” it often is less about jack hammering her, and more about tuning into the sensual and passionate chemistry that is between you.
Love making is all in the name—love.
Love is an earthshattering, enigmatic, ever-encompassing movement between two beings.
And making love is an expression of this artful force in your life.
A man who makes love is inevitably eliciting a feeling from the encounter, not performing in a carnal or wayward act.
Understanding and accepting the difference between love making and sex is the precursor for how to make love to a woman.
As you continue your quest and we guide you down the right path, be ready to learn and be surprised.
It Starts Before the Bedroom
Real love making stems from treasuring your partner.
This means investing your time, energy, glances, and gestures at her, letting her know you’re there for more than just a good time. Take her on a date.
No, not to a place you frequent often or because of their 2-4-1 drink specials.
You should want to impress her, taking her to a place that will forge memories and captivate her. She should feel like the only woman in the world.
Pay attention to what she is saying.
Engage with her body language, conversation, and presence while you’re on your date.
Let her feel that you’re there, that you actually care, and that time with her is more important than anything else.
Not only are you building her up, but you’ll also enjoy the journey too.
Body Language is a Universal Tongue
From the onset of the night to the bedroom, it is essential that you’re paying close attention to gestures.
As a magnet would work, you should be moving with her where you can, comforting her. When she steps out of the car, hold your hand to help her.
As she goes ahead of you into the restaurant, give her the assurance of your hand at the small of her back.
Lean into her and the conversation throughout the night.
If her hand is laying astray waiting to be taken, take it!
But it doesn’t end there. Romance is in action.
Don’t hesitate to place your thumb under her chin as you tilt her head up to kiss you.
And when you kiss, go slowly and softly. She doesn’t need your tongue down her throat or a sloppy, messy, saliva-riddled, smooch.
In fact, hesitate and relish in her, you, and the moment you’re sharing.
Let her see that you’re taking it all in and she is a sight to be seen.
Get Over Yourself, Foreplay is NOT Overrated
After dinner is over and you’re back at one of your houses, things may start moving fast.
But slow and steady will always win the race.
Once the passion has culminated and you’re both ready to have sex, foreplay is the next stop on your destination to making love to your woman.
What is Foreplay?
By definition, foreplay sounds boring; activities that happen before sex.
But oh, how wrong you’d be to imagine foreplay as boring.
In fact, if you’ve heeded our advice, then you should know you’ve been engaging in foreplay since you picked her up.
Foreplay is any action, reference, or inclination you may give your partner as a tease for what’s to come (literally).
Whether you’re stimulating her emotional pallet or kissing her nipples, foreplay extends over a broad range.
Now that you’ve spent the entire night treating her like the queen she is, it is time to show her the same attention in the bedroom.
It is important to remember every woman is different.
This means they are turned on by different things and in different ways.
Yet, there are universal tips for engaging in foreplay for most women:
Touching: Simple, yet effective, touching your partner will go a long way.
Whether you’re tracing the outline of her lips with your finger or slowly caressing her from her ankle to the inside of her groin, strategic touching can really rev up her engine.
Not only does it work to get her going, but it is going to keep you excited longer.
Don’t be scared to trace every inch of her body with your hands, starting from her mouth, slowly down the crevices of her collar bone, her breasts and nipples, stomach, hips, while eventually teasing her nether region (maybe even on the outside of her underwear).
Kissing Her Body:
Same as the above, but instead of using just your hands, use your mouth too. Pay attention to detail with your lips and don’t be afraid to go slow.
Make Out with Her:
Making out isn’t reserved for teenagers on a couch in the basement.
Now, that doesn’t mean your technique should be that of a teenager, but when you’re engaging in foreplay, don’t skimp on giving her passionate, make-out sessions.
Feeling confident in your game and give her that earth-shattering lip-to-lip.
We promise you that a well-dominated make-out game will give her all the feels down below.
Whether you’re doing this with your hands, lips, or tongue, playing with her nipples is a must.
Now, every woman is different, but as a general rule, warm her up with touching and kissing before diving in immediately for her nipples.
You don’t want her to feel that you’re only there to get laid, so pay attention to some of the other parts before going for her nips.
No, this doesn’t mean you have to give her a fast or aggressive masturbation session.
Fingering during foreplay is a great chance to get her primed for intercourse while simultaneously stroking her g-spot and clitoris.
Allowing her to open up to you and feel your desire for her is undoubtedly going to show her just how much you’re invested in her pleasure.
Reserved for a little later in the night, oral sex is great foreplay that can really make her yearn for you.
When we say oral sex, we mean you going down on her gents, not her on you or 69.
Don’t lose sight of the fact that properly making love to a woman means you’re making her feel 100% valued, cherished, and desired.
And, since there is sacrifice involved with love, you’re going to have to wait your turn on receiving oral from her.
As you’ve got her all hot and bothered, venture down to taste her.
The goal of oral sex during foreplay isn’t to get her off, but instead to stimulate her even further and give her a tease for what is about to come.
Every woman may prefer this for longer or shorter periods (maybe not at all) so do your best to gauge the situation and bring her to a point where all her senses are radiating for you.
Saying this, many women get turned on by giving their man head, so if she does want to pleasure you, let her. She’ll get just as turned on by you as you do her.
All the above examples of foreplay don’t have to be done in any particular order, but we will say that keeping a natural pace and steadily increasing is often a good place to start.
Keep in mind that if she wanted a good fuck, all she’d have to do is swipe right on Tinder.
That’s not what she’s there for with you and it is important that you show her that isn’t what you’re there for either.
Reading all of this about foreplay, you’re probably wondering, well what is in it for me?
Naturally, that is where your mind would go and there is actually quite a bit to back up why engaging in foreplay is beneficial for both you and her.
Science Behind the Benefits of Foreplay for Men
A common myth is that foreplay is more important for women because they somehow need to be worked up, while men are just ready to get down to it.
Recent research is challenging this, with a study from McGill University in Canada reporting that men and women actually take the same amount of time to become fully aroused.
With the use of thermal cameras, scientists were able to measure the flow of blood to volunteer’s genitals, with increasing blood flow indicating arousal and showing as heat.
On average, it was found that both men and women took 11-12 minutes to reach maximum arousal.
Further, sex and relationship guru Susan Quilliam claims that during foreplay, partners are preparing the body, giving it the adequate time needed to adjust and be aroused.
She claims that this is especially important for making love because the act itself and orgasm will have more pleasure than if you were to skip it altogether.
Foreplay also stimulates neurotransmitters in the brain, letting blood flow not just to the genitals of both parties, but throughout all the skin.
This heightening in blood flow means all nerve endings will become more sensitive than normal, giving bodies the inclination to feel that something great is about to take place.
Quilliam goes on to say that for men, the genitals have more of a capacity to be aroused while a women’s entire body can be stimulated as it has the potential to be an erogenous zone.
Among her many tips, some of the most important are to:
-Start from the outside and work your way in.
-Stop, pause, and allow for readjustment. Begin again.
-Women depend on sound just as much as sight.
The negative stigma that comes with foreplay for men is long debated.
Psychiatrist Mark Epstein claims that many men are still afraid of a woman’s body, ultimately leading to a fear of foreplay because they’re scared they may lose their erection.
Yet, as many women will assert, it isn’t about how hard you are or how long your erection lasts, but how well you can please your partner.
So, long and short—foreplay is important for you both, especially when it comes to making love.
It will make the experience for you (and her) more memorable and you both will find more pleasure out of it in the long run.
We promise that all that attention to detail and hard work you’re doing will pay off. And as you begin, she is going to be even more excited to pleasure you.
Up Next, Intercourse!
You’ve finally made it. She’s happy. You’re happy.
Everyone’s happy. So, how do you start?
Again, when you’re making love to a woman, it is important to remember that you are not on a time clock or being judged by a panel.
So, keep your fast, rabbit-like tendencies at bay and stop trying to force her into positions that you think may make her come.
Start out slowly, shifting your hips back and forth inside of her.
As you’re doing this, begin paying attention to how her body is responding and rocking with yours.
While you both begin to open up to one another, don’t forget that making love is about sharing in the moment together.
So, kissing her mouth, neck, and breasts shouldn’t subside just because you’re inside of her.
Be receptive to letting her kiss, touch, and explore you too.
Whether she is grabbing your hair from behind and pulling you closer or kissing your chest, let her.
As the intensity begins to rise, so will the pace of your love making.
You should begin to move faster in her, thrusting in a firm, yet gentle way.
It is important to keep pace with the natural flow between both your bodies and beings, staying attuned to how she wants to feel you inside of her.
When the intensity is still on the upward path, you may find that both of you are wanting to switch positions on your way to reaching climax.
Now remember, women aren’t these templated beings that all come the same way.
In fact, according to Psychology Today, only 25% of women can come from vaginal penetration alone.
That’s right, only 1 out of every 4 women.
So, all those television shows and pornos you’ve seen showcasing women’s orgasms happening within minutes of intercourse are more than likely fake
What’s most important to remember about her reaching orgasm is that every woman is different.
Maybe she is part of the 25% of women that can orgasm from penetration.
Maybe she needs to masturbate during intercourse to reach climax.
Maybe she won’t come every time she has sex.
All of these are plausible scenarios that you should welcome, dismissing any preconceived ideas you may have about how it should play out.
Of course, as you and she are making love, the last thing you want to do it break out into conversation about the best way to get her off.
If she is turned on and is close, she will more than likely let you know what needs to happen, either by saying it aloud or with her actions.
For example, if you’re doing something that feels good and she could get-off from it, then she will most likely say ‘Keep doing that,’ or ‘I could come from that.’
If she isn’t much of a talker and is more of an action taker, you may see her start to play with herself or climb on top to grind on you.
Who Comes First?
So, all of this begs the question, who comes first?
There is no one-size-fits-all answer for this. Ultimately it is up to you and your partner.
If you are getting the vibe that she is close and you can hold out, then do what you can to help her come.
However, if the scenario is in your favor to come first and you’re both feeling that vibe, then by all means, go for it.
Sure, common courtesy says that she should come first, but some women may find this to be too much to handle, actually keeping them from orgasming at all.
Stripping back the pressure of stereotypes and protocols for making love is the first step in creating a memorable experience for both of you.
What’s important is that you both feel satisfied, incandescent, and blissful when your love making is over.
This leads us to the final steps for making love to a woman.
Yes, There is a Thing Called After-play
For many women, this is considered to be the best part of the entire experience. As the name suggests, afterplay is what comes after intercourse.
Many men may feel the inclination to roll over and go to sleep after they’ve climaxed, but if you’re wanting to cultivate the night and finish right, then skipping out on afterplay is bad news. Here are some tips:
When you are done making love, it is important that you show her that you’re not there just to sign off after you’re done.
Whether you’re entwined in each other’s arms or you’re simply holding hands, maintain some sort of contact with her.
This shows her that you’re still attuned to her and the experience she just shared with you.
Making love is a vulnerable experience for you both, and you may find yourselves chatting about feelings, memories, or just chit-chat after you’re done.
Some scientists have actually linked the susceptibility couples have toward pillow talk to the increased levels of oxytocin after sex.
This is the hormone that causes partners to encounter feelings of trust and connectedness toward one another.
Let’s face it, after that session, you’re probably both in need of a bath or shower.
Not only is it a practical way to maintain your hygiene, it is also fun soaping each other up in the tub. You may even find yourselves ready for round two!
Get your grub on:
Sure, you may have just had dinner a few hours ago, but nothing warms the appetite like a great night of passion and love making. Maybe you venture together to the kitchen and whip up a midnight snack.
Or your adventurous streaks send you out into the night for a chocolatey dessert.
Whatever your all’s fancy, engaging in a meal together afterward is a great way to cozy up and be together in the lovely moment.
Knowing how to make love to a woman is only going to come with experience and practice.
Every man is capable of doing it.
It is just a matter of making yourself vulnerable and putting yourself up to the challenge.
While there is never going to be a blanket method to making love to women, there are some universal tips that may lead you down the right path.
Discovering what works for you and your partner is going to evolve every single time you make love.
What’s most important is that you’re both excited and ready for the challenges ahead!
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