If you’re looking to up your game and impress a woman by lasting longer in the bedroom, or if you simply want to draw out the experience to heighten the enjoyment, then we’ve got your back.
Every man has been there at some point in his life—trying to hold back in the middle of a sexual encounter, only to find that he is unable to prevent himself from giving in to pleasure.
Fortunately, there are some strategies you can employ to help you in trying to prolong your sexual encounters—and we’ve gathered all the information you need to know here to make the most out of your bedroom experiences.
What’s Going Wrong?
The first step in remedying a problem is to uncover what exactly is going wrong.
If you and/or your partner are unhappy with the duration of your sexual encounters in the bedroom, then one of two things is probably going wrong: either premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction.
Believe it or not, both of these conditions are actually very common problems, which end up affecting most men at some point during their lifetime.
In fact, 1 in 10 men has a problem relating to sex, such as erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation.
According to a study of 500 couples, the average time for ejaculation is about 5 ½ minutes.
However, with all the preparation and build up that goes into sex—often going on romantic getaways, going out to dinner, getting a hotel, and more— five and a half minutes often feels like far from enough in payoff for all the effort that goes into sex sometimes.
It’s good to note that if ejaculation occurs on a regular basis in under 2 minutes, then this may be a sign of a problem.
To help you decipher what’s going wrong in your bedroom, let’s begin by taking a closer look at each of these problems.
There are two types of premature ejaculation: primary PE and secondary PE.
The primary form of the condition is often psychological and begins when the man first becomes sexually active.
If left untreated, this form of premature ejaculation can become a lifelong issue.
The second form of premature ejaculation, secondary PE, occurs later in life. It can be caused by both physical and psychological factors.
These may include prostate conditions, stress, depression, or anxiety.
It’s important to remember that premature ejaculation is only considered to be an issue if it is a bother or a problem to yourself or your partner.
If both of you are fulfilled and satisfied with your sex life, then it is absolutely nothing to worry about.
Erectile dysfunction is defined as a condition in which a man is unable to maintain or achieve an erection that is sufficiently hard enough to engage in sexual activity.
This can include a man losing his erection during sex—which is one way you may find yourself not lasting as long as you would like to in the bedroom, if your manhood suddenly becomes limp.
For many men, erectile dysfunction is their worst nightmare—especially in younger men who cannot imagine themselves ever being plagued by such an issue.
However, it is relatively normal for a man to experience erectile dysfunction in his later years.
In fact, over half of men who are between the ages of 40 and 70 will experience erectile dysfunction at some point during this time period.
But what causes erectile dysfunction? Sometimes, the cause can be psychological, such as depression, anxiety, or stress.
However, the condition is often a symptom of an underlying physical cause, which may range from unbalanced testosterone levels, diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, or high cholesterol.
If you often find yourself worrying that you won’t last as long as you or your partner would like you to during intercourse, then you may be suffering from something referred to as performance anxiety.
Often, this can cause you to lose your erection or to ejaculate prematurely.
In this case, the erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation would be a direct result of performance anxiety.
So, what do you do if this is the case? Simple.
Relax a little bit, and perhaps talk to your partner about your worries and fears. Address the problem at hand.
Why are you worried about not lasting long enough?
Are you worried your partner will be disappointed to you if you can’t last longer?
Do you fear you are not satisfying your partner in the bedroom?
You can talk to your partner about these things, or if that doesn’t work or if you do not feel comfortable addressing the problem with them, then you can always seek out professional counseling if the problem persists.
If you do suffer from performance anxiety, then don’t worry. It is completely normal in younger men especially.
However, the problem can sometimes develop and become erectile dysfunction or a persistent premature ejaculation problem if not resolved.
For this reason, if you think performance anxiety could be the root cause of you not lasting as long as you would like to in the bedroom, then it’s a good idea to address this problem sooner rather than later.
Strategies to Last Longer
If you suffer from any of the above conditions, then treatment is probably your best option—however, you can try treatment methods in conjunction with some of the strategies we will get into below.
Your best bet is to consult a doctor about your issues, worries, needs, and concerns and see what their advice on the matter is.
However, if you are a perfectly healthy male in search of ways to help you last longer in bed, then worry not!
We have gathered a number of tried and true strategies to aid you in the quest of prolonging your experience, wowing your partner, and getting the most out of your time in the bedroom.
Engage in Foreplay
Foreplay is a great way to get things in the bedroom to last longer.
Not only that, but it’s also essential to most women before sex.
If you want to pleasure please your partner and help her to get in the mood before intercourse, foreplay is the way to go.
It will get her hot and heavy, and ready for you to have sex with her. Some people even think that foreplay is better than the actual sex itself—but that’s all a matter of opinion.
The fact remains, for many women, without foreplay, sex is all but impossible, and in the best of times, it tends to at least be painful.
However, while it’s great to have foreplay simply because your partner will likely enjoy it, there’s more to gain from it than that.
It can help to prolong the sexual experience.
While you may not be spending the entire time actually having intercourse, this prolongs the pleasure, which is all that matters, right?
However, a word of warning: If your goal is to last longer in bed and your solution is foreplay, be strategic about it!
If you go straight from your partner giving you oral sex to having intercourse, then the actual intercourse may be even shorter than it normally is because your manhood was already excited and being stimulated.
If you are getting oral sex or a hand job, it’s a good idea to switch to focusing on her pleasure for a while to let your member calm down before moving on to penetrative sex for the best possible results.
Practice Building Control
When you’re having sex with your partner, focus on knowing how to anticipate your orgasms and when you are getting close.
When that happens, use this opportunity to consciously come down from the high.
Try a position that is less stimulating, think unsexy thoughts, or do whatever you need to calm yourself down.
Try to master control of your orgasms and don’t let them dictate the direction the sex is going.
You likely won’t master this technique at first, but with a little practice, y our skills at building control will get better and better.
Try this method in conjunction with other strategies to help you last longer in bed, and with time, you will see your control over your own orgasms building.
Eventually, you may be able to drop the other techniques once you have gained more control over your body’s reactions to being in these sexually stimulating situations.
This is a common technique to prolong how long you last during intercourse, and it’s one that experts actually recommend to keep things going in the bedroom for longer.
It involves squeezing the head of the penis for 10-20 seconds just prior to ejaculation.
The trick to this one is pulling out in time to squeeze the head of your penis and delay ejaculation until after a bit more lovemaking—and to make things even more complicated, this trick works better the closer you are to ejaculation.
So, try to wait as long as you can before pulling out and squeezing the head of the penis, but still leave yourself with enough time to actually be able to apply the technique.
This strategy may have a few failed attempts in the beginning, but after a little bit of practice, you will be able to get better at anticipating your orgasms and knowing when the right time to try this is.
Masturbate Before Sex
Another tried and true method is to simply masturbate an hour or two before you have sex with your partner.
After all, you always get a little bit more time out of round two—so if you want to get more time out of round one, then just sneak somewhere away from your partner or before they come over, take care of business.
You want to make sure there’s enough time between masturbation and actually having sex, though, because if you’re not ready to have sex by the time your partner is, then this could seriously ruin the mood.
If you are having intercourse and think you’re about to finish but aren’t quite ready to, or you know your partner is not ready for you to, then you can always try to distract yourself.
Think about a story you heard in the news, what is going on at your job, or anything else mundane or trivial.
By thinking unsexy thoughts, you may be able to bring yourself back from the brink and buy yourself a little bit more time before you actually reach climax and put an end to your lovemaking session.
However, try not to get too separated from the current moment, as if moment, as if you look too distracted and like you are not really there in the present situation with your partner, then that could end up being a real turn off for them and end up being just another way to end your sexual encounter prematurely.
Use a Thick Condom
What causes you to ejaculate before you are ready tends to be too much sensation.
So, what if you were able to reduce that sensation without taking away any of the sexual pleasure?
The result would be a longer time you’re able to engage in intercourse with your partner without reaching climax before either of you are ready for the sex to end.
How is this possible?
With the simple act of slipping on a thicker condom. As it happens, there are many condoms out on the market today that are designed specifically for this purpose.
Some examples of brand names include Extended Pleasure from Trojan or Performax from Durex.
This is a great solution to help you last longer in bed, because it not only allows you to go longer without reaching climax and be able to enjoy having sexwith your partner for a longer period of time, but it also doubles by helping you and your partner to practice safe sex.
Even if the two of you do not typically use condoms, there’s absolutely no harm to using them to prolong the duration of your sexual encounters.
Communicate with Your Partner
If you are with a long-term partner, and you are trying to find ways to make things last a bit longer in the bedroom, then it’s a good idea to communicate with them about it.
Being open with them about your feelings and desires will likely make them more understanding and open to your ideas.
By having an open conversation about it, the two of you can talk about what sexual activities bring you to climax quickly, and which ones keep things more relaxed.
By switching to something a little less stimulating when you get close to climax, you should be able to prolong the amount of time it takes for you to get there.
Communicate to your partner the things they should stay away from to help you get the most out of your time in the bedroom, so both of you can be fulfilled and satisfied with the experience.
Practice stopping before you ejaculate and taking a deep breath before continuing.
This will give you time to calm down and be able to continue for longer before reaching climax.
However, to many couples, this idea sounds unsexy—but it doesn’t have to be.
You can take a break to engage in other sexual activities besides actual intercourse. Switch back to foreplay and pleasure your partner with oral sex while you give your member a few moments to calm down from the excitement.
Then, you can return to what you were doing once you feel ready.
You can do this as many times as you feel is necessary before you feel ready to have an orgasm and end the sexual encounter.
By bringing yourself close to orgasm many times and then stopping to take a breather, when you finally do have your release, it can feel much more pleasurable and rewarding for the build-up.
Ladies First: Remove the Pressure
Heard of the Orgasm Gap?
This refers to the fact that, while 74% if men orgasm every time they have sex, only 30% of women have the same luxury.
Work to close the orgasm gap by giving your lady the opportunity to finish first. And, as it turns out, this can present unexpected advantages to you during sex as well.
As men sometimes feel pressured to last longer during sex because they want their partner to finish as well, this can result in the performance anxiety that ironically makes them finish before they are ready.
If you feel pressured to last longer during sex because you want your partner to finish too, then there’s an easy way to remedy that problem.
If you help her to finish first, such as with your mouth, a toy, or your fingers, then the knowledge that she’s already enjoyed an orgasm may help to relieve you of some of the pressure you typically feel to last longer in bed.
Engage in foreplay beforehand and make sure she finishes before moving on to penetrative sex—it may take more of a weight off your shoulders than you think.
Local anesthetics come in the form of topical sprays that may be applied to your penis.
These will help to lessen the sensation you feel during sex and aid you in keeping control.
When they are used properly, you may be able to adjust how much you are desensitized using these sprays.
It won’t transfer to your partner, so there is no need to worry that they will also become desensitized from the spray.
One product used for this purpose is called Promescent.
This product is designed to provide targeted, gentle desensitizing that provides men with great control without much loss of sexual feeling.
Focus on Her Pleasure
Use your penis for clitoral stimulation without penetration.
This will still feel good for you, but not good enough to make you orgasm.
It will also give you some time to calm down from the excitement before resuming intercourse.
Do this by creating a 90-degree angle between her vulva and your shaft.
Rather than penetrating her, however, press your member lengthwise against her clitoris.
Then, move it back and forth gently.
Watch her reactions to see how she responds to different speedsand pressures until you are driving her crazy and maximizing her pleasure.
By doing this, you’re killing two birds with one stone: making sure she’s thoroughly enjoying her sexual experience with you, and giving your member a moment to calm down before penetrating her again.
Go for Round Two
No one says sex need be limited to only one session.
While this may not be the best solution for everyone, it can work wonders for many couples.
Wait a few minutes after ejaculation before trying to start things back up again, or switch back to foreplay right after reaching orgasm.
Men experience less sensitivity with their second erection in a short time period, so you may get better (and longer lasting) results the second time around.
Switch Things Up
If you’ve been together for a while and have developed a sort of sexual routine, then these sex positions may have trained your brain to anticipate when it’s time to orgasm—meaning that it could happen a lot sooner than it otherwise would.
Try switching things up a little and form a new routine.
The new sensations and positions will help to distract your brain and make you last longer. Once the new positions begin to get a little too used up, try switching things up again!
After all, there are more benefits to simply lasting longer that comes with keeping things fresh and exciting in the bedroom!
It keeps things interesting and can make things more fun and unexpected.
If you’re not sure what sex position to try to switch things up, then you may want to try a sex position that specifically helps in promoting longer love making.
Here are some ideas to get you started.
Kegels Aren’t Just for the Ladies
You read that right. Kegels are famous for being a womanly exercise, but they actually can help strengthen the pelvic floor muscles in men, too, which can help you to control your orgasm spasms.
With the right amount of practice, you will find that you are able to perform male kegel exercises just about any time.
Kegels aren’t the only exercise you can try to master control of your pelvic floor muscles—you can also do yoga or Pilates.
Whatever exercise routine you feel most comfortable with, give it a try!
It will pay off next time you’re in a sexual situation with your partner in the bedroom.
Strategic Breathing Techniques
The way that you breathe actually influences how quickly your body will come to orgasm.
You can make yourself less aroused by changing your breathing.
To help you bring yourself down, slow your breathing and ensure you are taking deep belly breaths with your diaphragm.
By taking in fast-paced breaths in your chest and shoulders is what your body does when it nears orgasm, so doing that will send a message to your brain that it’s time to finish.
If you’re trying to last longer, then make a conscious effort to take those slow, deep belly breaths will help you to last longer in bed.
Breathe like you’re not about to orgasm, and you won’t orgasm—not for a bit longer, at least. As simple as that.
It’s Not All on You
You’re not the only one who can take measures to last longer in the bedroom—there are things your partner can do to help too.
After all, if they also want to enjoy a longer bedroom experience, then they will likely be happy to do what they can to help you last longer in bed.
The following are some strategies your partner can employ to help you enjoy a longer and more fulfilling sexual experience with them—try talking to them about some of these methods and strategies.
They will likely be more than happy to help.
Switch Up Positions
We’ve talked about this already concerning things that you can do to last longer, but this is an important enough point to bring up again regarding what your partner can do to aid you in lasting longer in the bedroom.
Certain sexual positions will help a man to orgasm faster, while others will help to delay his orgasm by reducing the amount of stimulation he experiences.
Full penetration is great to maximize stimulation, while stimulation to the underside of the penis, especially the frenulum, tends to bring mad to ejaculate quickly.
Some basic positions that will help a man last longer by not providing too much stimulation to these areas include spooning, perpendicular, and modified doggy style with the woman on her belly rather than her knees.
But the best position of all to get a man to last longer is with the woman on top—so if your partner is wondering how she can help you to last longer in the bedroom, then there is her answer.
With you on your back and her on top, this is one of the best sexual positions to ensure that you’ll last longer.
What is really important for your partner to understand while you are going through this is that they need to be supportive every step of the way.
Whether you are trying to last longer in bed for your own benefit, theirs, or for the benefit of the both of you, your partner needs to be understanding and supportive the entire time.
If your partner is getting impatient and annoyed with you trying many different tactics to be able to last longer, then you likely will feel that pressure and have more of a hard time accomplishing your task.
Not only that, but if you are in an environment of judgment, then that pressure returns and you may find yourself unable to perform or try these strategies to the effect that you had hoped.
For these reasons, support and understanding are essential for success in these methods.
Finally, patience is also very important on your partner’s behalf.
Things will likely not improve overnight, and they will need to be understanding about that and give you the time you need to improve if they expect you to make any progress towards your goal.
Expand Your Definition of Sex
Your partner can also expand their definition of sex, if they haven’t already—penetrative intercourse is not the only way to enjoy time in the bedroom together.
If intercourse tends to be overly stimulating for you and causes you to finish too soon, then there’s nothing wrong with spending a little bit of extra time during foreplay to help extend your pleasure.
As you can see, there is a lot that goes into the causes of not lasting as long in bed as you would like to—and, fortunately, there are far more solutions than there are problems that you could possibly have in the bedroom.
With a little bit of practice and open communication with your partner, you will likely be able to perfect your sexual experiences in the bedroom in no time at all.
In all likelihood, there isn’t a one single solution on this list that will be the answer to all of your problems.
You will probably have to try a combination of many of them—and what works like a charm on one romantic evening may not make a difference at all on another time you are with your partner.
It’s all about experimenting and trying new things with these techniques to find out what works best for you and your unique situation.
By keeping these strategies and practices in mind, however, you should always be equipped with the information you need to make the most out of your time with a partner in the bedroom, every single time that the two of you are together.
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