For some, knowing how to sweet talk a girl comes naturally, but for others, it may be more difficult to know how to break the ice and where to go from there.
While many guys feel nervous talking to girls they are crushing on, getting out of your head can be the best thing that you can do to help your chances of her returning your fancy.
If you’ve had your eye on a girl for a while but don’t know what to do to get her to like you back, read on for our complete guide including everything you need to know from breaking the ice to flirting, asking her out, and more.
Getting Her to Notice You
Breaking the ice can feel terrifying in the moment, but once you’ve taken that first step, you’ll be happy you did.
Many guys struggle with shyness and anxiety, especially when they are around a girl they have a crush on.
If this sounds like you and you have a tendency to clam up anytime that special lady is around, getting out of your head and taking a deep breath can help you realize that, after all, she is just a girl and it shouldn’t be any harder to talk to her than it is talking to you guy friends.
If a girl doesn’t realize you even exist because you’ve been too shy to approach her, it will be impossible for her to start liking you back.
So if you really like her, go up and talk to her! Start off with some simple small talk and go from there.
Did you catch her reading a book? Ask her whether or not it’s good because you’ve been looking for something to read yourself or recommend to your sister.
Is she with a friend you know? Maybe this could be the perfect opportunity for him/her to introduce you.
Starting off with something simple like “Hi, I’m (your name) I think you are in my biology class and you seemed like someone I should meet”.
Bonding over any shared experience, from a class you’re taking together, to a job you both share, an apartment you both live at etc. can be a great way to get the ball rolling.
If you find that you are really seized with shyness anytime you are around her, try thinking about it like you are just going up to introduce yourself the way that you would an acquaintance.
This can alleviate a lot of the pressure and help the conversation flow naturally.
To Pick Up Line or to Not Pick Up Line?
There is some debate amongst men about the effectiveness of pick up lines when first hitting on girls. An interesting study analysed the effectiveness of over 100 pick up lines, categorizing them into three different groups:
flippant/cute (pick up lines that are supposed to be funny/cheesy), innocuous gambits (pick up lines that are intended to hide the user’s intentions,
so for example by asking them what they think about a band or asking them what their favourite menu item is at a restaurant),
and direct gambits (simply coming right out and saying something like “I’m shy but I really wanted to introduce myself”).
The study revealed that different pick up lines work for different contexts.
For example, flippant/cute pick up lines seem to be most effective on women looking for short-term relationships, or those who are more open to the idea of hooking up, while women looking for long term commitments tended to prefer direct honesty and innocuous gambits.
Psychology Today explains these findings by stating that women looking for long-term commitments are naturally skeptical of flippant/cute pick up lines because of the underlining sexual currents of many of these remarks.
In addition, scepticism could derive from a feeling that the pick up line user is being disingenuous and that they are used to using these kinds of tactics on women.
The findings of this study therefore suggest that if you are looking to get a girl to like you with the intention of starting a long term relationship, pick up lines that are more incognito or honest, like simply going up to her and admitting that you are shy but had to introduce yourself, or trying to strike up a conversation naturally, seem to be the most effective options.
If on the other hand, you are looking for something more short-term, possibly with the intention of hooking up, smoother pick up lines may be your most effective weapon.
This isn’t to say that flippant/cute pick up lines can never be used on girls you hope to date long term.
In fact, the same study found that many women view men who use flippant/cute pick up lines as funny, confident, and sociable—all very attractive qualities that women tend to look for in guys they like.
If you are the type of guy who thrives on corny pickup lines, mastering the art of using them smoothly and humorously can help you jumpstart a friendship into something more.
The most effective way to use cheesy pick up lines, perhaps, is not as an icebreaker, but rather something you work into the conversation after you’ve already started to build a relationship with the girl you like.
Don’t Fall Into the Friend Zone
If there is one place you want to avoid in your relationship with a girl, it is the friend zone.
Getting stuck in the friend zone is a trap that many guys unknowingly fall into—and once you find yourself there, it can be hard to dig yourself out.
Avoiding the friend zone from the start is key when trying to get a girl to like you.
If you find yourself constantly falling into the friend zone make sure you follow the important steps below to avoid it:
Make sure your intentions are clear:
If a girl doesn’t realize that you’re interested in her as more than a friend, you may end up getting friend-zoned by default.
Making your intentions clear from as soon as possible by being flirty and charming can ensure that your relationship is on a romantic trajectory rather than simply a friendly one.
Don’t give her advice on other guys:
This is one of those traps that guys fall into all the time. If you find that you are constantly consoling and comforting the girl you like when she is upset about other guys, you need to stop right there.
Girls have girl friends that they can complain to about guys, and if you end up being her shoulder to cry on time after time, she may start to see you as merely a friendly “good guy”.
While you should never be a jerk, you should always try to steer the conversation away from other dudes as you want to be the only guy she has her focus on while you are together.
Don’t miss your opportunity to make a move:
If you continue to miss opportunities to make a move, the girl you like may think you’re simply not interested or she may get tired of waiting and move on.
To make sure you capture her attention and continue to take your friendship to the next level, look out for signs that she’s interested and act on them.
Don’t let yourself get paralyzed by nervousness and fail to reach out and grab her hand when it’s lingering on the table, or fail to kiss her when she’s leaning in and looking into your eyes.
By following these steps you can avoid the friend zone so that you can possibly be seen as boyfriend material.
What to Do When You’re Around a Girl You Like
For some guys, the trouble all starts when they get around the girl they like and they simply clam up and get nervous.
Speaking to a girl you like shouldn’t be any scarier than speaking to a friend, but if you find that you simply don’t know how to behave yourself when you’re around that special lady, consider the following tips below.
Girls have an uncanny ability to tell when someone is being disingenuous.
If you find that you are trying too hard to overly impress a girl, chances are she will pick up on your strange behavior and see it as a turn-off.
Instead, simply being yourself can help improve your chances that she will like you back by giving her a chance to get to know the real you.
Be Confident but Not Cocky:
When it comes to charming ladies, confidence is key—but too much of it can actually backfire and make you come off as a cocky jerk.
Balancing the line by feeling confident in yourself without being flashy and rude can help you achieve the air of cool confidence that girls simply love.
Being overly cocky can be a huge turn offf or most girls, so making sure that you remain down to Earth while making it clear that you recognize your worth is the way to go.
Talk About Your Hobbies and Ask About Her Interests: .
Bonding over shared hobbies can be a great way to move your friendship forward and possibly to the next level.
Even if your hobbies differ asking her lots of questions about her life and hobbies shows a genuine interest on your part that you want to get to know her.
Plus, everyone loves to talk about themselves and their interests, so asking her lots of questions can make sure she stays engaged and enjoys the conversation.
If there is one complaint that girls tend to have about guys is that they simply don’t listen.
Being able to prove her wrong by showing up at her doorstep with the favourite candy she mentioned in passing, or remembering the name of her pet Chihuahua, are examples of little things that you can do that show her how interested you are in what she has to say and that you listen to and remember the conversation you have together.
Making eye contact, responding, and always paying attention when you are having a conversation can go a long way.
Be Nice to Her Friends:
Friends are likely an important part of the girl you like’s life, so being nice to her friends can grant you access to her inner circle.
When it comes to getting a girl to like you, you want your intentions to be clear so that you don’t accidentally get trapped in the friend zone.
Flirting is the number one way to do exactly that, with romantic gestures that can take your relationship from a simple friendship to something more.
Read below for more information about how to master the art of flirting.
How to Flirt With a Girl
Want to learn the way to a girl’s heart?
Mastering the art of flirting can ensure that you’re sending all the right signals for her to either pick up or lay down.
If you’re looking for some pointers to improve your flirting game, try our top tips below.
Contrary to popular belief, chivalry is not dead.
Keeping up the charm with romantic gestures like holding the door open for her, offering to hang up her coat, giving you’re her jacket when it’s cold, etc. can send romantic vibes her way and paints you as a true gentleman.
One of the top things that girls say they look for in a guy is confidence.
So being bold, collected, and self-assured is not only important for your own self-esteem but it can also help you with the ladies. At the same time, however, you don’t want to come off as a cocky jerk.
For this reason, it is important to master the art of cool confidence.
Be humble, but also let her know you’re sure in yourself and you won’t let anyone walk over you like a doormat.
Other guys? What’ other guys? You’re the man.
Make Her Laugh:
Girls love guys who can make them laugh and who don’t take themselves or things too seriously.
Teasing her with light-hearted banter can be extremely flirty and may just be exactly what she needs to brighten her day.
Make Eye Contact:
Experts agree that eye contact is one of the most intimate ways to capture the attention of your crush—after all, they say the eyes are the windows of the soul right?
Holding eye contact during conversation, and even not during conversation helps build a connection between you two. Catch her staring at you from across the room?
Hold her gaze and maybe even return it with a wink.
Break the Touch Barrier:
One thing that often takes a friendship to the next level, is breaking the touch barrier. Touch is an extremely important part of intimacy and romance, but don’t worry breaking the touch barrier isn’t as scandalous as you’d think.
Simply reaching over to touch her on the shoulder for comfort if she is upset, giving her a high five if she’s had a recent achievement, and picking her up during a play fight, are all ways that you can break the touch barrier so that next time you may even be able to hold her hand or move in for a smooch.
Ask for Her Number:
We live in a world where technology is everywhere, so why don’t you have your crush’s number? Finding the perfect opportunity to ask for her number opens up a new channel of communication that you can use to get to know her even better.
Texting her late at night can be extremely flirty and romantic but knowing when to stop texting is important too.
Constantly calling and texting your crush is not only annoying, it will inevitably lead to awkward lulls in the conversation that aren’t great when you’re trying to get someone to like you.
By knowing when to stop, however, you give her the chance to miss you and possibly reach out to call and text you first.
Allow for a Healthy Dose of Jealousy:
A little jealousy never hurt anybody, and in your case, it could actually help if she’s the one experiencing it.
Having other female friends in your life supplies a healthy amount of jealousy that will push her to consider you as a romantic possibility.
This doesn’t mean throwing yourself at other girls in her presence but simply making sure you have your own life full of friends of both genders.
Know When to Make a Move:
Making a move is key if you want to take things forwards with your crush rather than simply being left in the friend zone.
If you notice that she is frequently initiating conversation, whether it be by scoping you out in person or constantly texting you first, take the next step and ask her to hang out.
Keeping an eye out for certain signs of romantic body language, eye contact, flirting, etc. can help you determine when it’s the right moment to make your next move.
How to Ask a Girl Out
Asking a girl out can seem like a scary thought, but it doesn’t have to be.
When you’re ready to make that next step and ask a girl on a date, making sure you have a plan first can ensure that you’re not left hanging if you get past the first step of her saying yes.
Girls like it when guys are confident and assertive, so having a plan in place doesn’t leave any wiggle room for error, either she wants to go out with your or she doesn’t.
When asking her out, consider saying something like “I know of this great Italian restaurant that I think you would really love, will you let me take you there this Saturday?”
By asking her out in this manner you make your intentions clear while maintaining a confident and smooth attitude.
During the Date
During the date it is important to keep up all the previous tips that we’ve already discussed in terms of being charming, flirty, and confident, however, dates are often an opportunity for you to get to know your crush on a deeper level and make an even greater emotional connection.
Starting the date off with some light-hearted fun and then moving into deeper conversations towards the end of the date can be your best game plan for ensuring that everything goes smoothly and pushes your relationship to the next level.
On your date, try asking your crush some more personal questions: how was their up bringing? Do they have any fears? What are the goals for the future?
These kinds of questions show that you have a genuine interest in getting to know her.
Similarly, this is an opportunity for her to get to know you.
Talk about some of your talents and achievement. What are your goals?
What’s your relationship with your family? All of these questions allow you to open up so that she feels comfortable doing the same.
At the end of the date, make sure you keep your eyes peeled for signs of whether or not she wants you to make a move.
Is her body language telling you that she’s attracted to you?
Is she being flirty, leaning in towards you, and holding eye contact?
Maybe a kiss at her doorstep can be the cherry on top of a perfect date.
However, if she’s still acting a little rigid, you may need to give things more time before making another move.
You’ve put in the work, you’ve kept your cool, you’ve flirted, and you’ve dodged the friend zone, but now what?
If you’ve already gone on a date and you don’t know what to do next, gauge her response to see if she seems to be returning your interest or if she doesn’t seem to view you romantically.
If you still aren’t sure where she stands, asking for a second date can give you more clarity and possibly provide you with an opportunity to make a move if you haven’t done so already.
If she still doesn’t seem interested at the end of the day, don’t worry!
Practice makes perfect! Following the steps above and putting yourself out there as much as possible can improve your chances of scoring the lucky lady of your dreams.
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